Quarantine Finds, a Timeline
Song suggestion: from a kindred spirit of mine
Week 1, (March 17th, 2020)- I arrived at the surgery center as the anesthesiologist furiously searched patient’s charts, ensuring the scheduled procedures were “absolutely necessary”, as warnings were being shot over the bow of every medical facility in the world to “preserve your PPE”
Completing four-out-of-seven cases, we were then advised to cease operating, and then canceled patients for clinic visits and subsequent surgeries without advisement as to when we would resume. While “working” from home, I became a wolverine online shopper.
First package from Amazon arrived on 3.20.20, containing books to review the basics of my undergrad education degree, from the class of 1992, all enthused to home school my resident hummingbird on crack, our 3-year-old daughter.
Week 2-wine closet and beer fridge nearly empty. Vow to not drink for the duration of the quarantine. Package of shoe strings, in varying colors and styles, which practically tie themselves (!!) grace our stoop. I bought four pair, winning free shipping. Cannot wait to wear them… to… nowhere.
Week 3-Two Amazon packages, mine with garden lights and toddler’s gymnastics equipment. Hers with essential oils for calming. The next day, my coffee tasted a bit different.
Week 4 (April 13th)-The wine club shipments appear, mine from First Leaf, hers from Croation premium wines
Week 5-Miniprojector shows up. Soon, Amazon, Netflix, Hulu, Sling, Disney+, Apple+ can be used on any wall in the home. Justifiably, if we have the closed captioning on, the 3-year-old is improving her reading skills. Also helps ME with the daily showing of “Hamilton”
Week 6-Garden gnome, wearing read overalls, smoking a cigarette, flipping off… the world, now residing in an almost finished garden bed. Since I’ve christened myself the official Victory Parkway Monitor, my 32” Reacher Grabber tool will be a welcome talking point amongst the neighbors during my daily walks
Week 7-Costco delivery of Pirate’s booty popcorn and cracker jacks to watch the streaming services. Jaunty masks from Love Your Melon are carefully slipped into the mail slot. Garden bags are ordered. Now if that shipment from China, with the bulb drill, ordered in week 2, could be tracked without providing my mom’s maiden name and my social security number, we would be ready to plant!! After the garden bed is completed...
Week 8 (May 10th)-Zappo’s box!! New shoes, cheerful loafers and taupe chukkas are inside. We can only be relegated to morning, afternoon, and evening sweats for so long, and I vow to have a new sense of fashion when the “return to normal” is announced. Vegetable plants arrive in the afternoon delivery, with the goal of surpassing last year’s bounty of 3, 2 inch green peppers, 6 fingerling carrots, 8 non-pickling cucumbers, and the windfall of 9 tomatoes from our six plants
Week 9-Our favorite bakery, Thirsty Whale, begins delivery services!! A dozen donuts for the weekend, or, as we like to say, Friday.
Week 10-56 Brewing brings the juice!! And hallaloo! Bulbs arrive.
Week 11-Unlimited delivery from BiteSquad was signed up for. Thank you, Stanley’s. and Freehouse. And Karta Thai. And Element Pizza. And La Dona Cervecieria. And North Loop Liquor Store
Week 12-(June 7th) Zappo’s #2: sandals and Sperry floating boat shoes. Practical and necessary. While in quarantine. Bouncy yard ball, Elsa, Anna dolls, divided blow-up pool so three-almost-four-year-old can swim as we lounge, with beer now delivered by Wicked Wort and Fair State and Broken Clock, keeping us pseudo-hydrated
Week 13-Second wine shipments, as the cork was pulled on the last bottle, plus every window in the home will now have its very own crystal
Week 14-Magazine subscriptions-People, Esquire, Elle, Food & Wine, National Geographic, Highlights
Week 15-Overstock comes through-new curtains and curtain rods, and rugs, and mirrors
Week 16-(July 5th)-Now grub hub delivers for a monthly fee of only $9.99. New sweatpants from Costco, three different colors, but the size seems off from a year ago… they must have changed fabric
Week 17- Gap jeans, size bigger than ones tried on in February. This new, more form fitting fabric must be a thing.
Week 18- Sweat Shaper, Compression work-out clothing, fat burning supplements are quickly whisked into the home.
Week 19- -New kettle bell and set of work-out bands are residing in the basement. The ONLY Sit-up bar you’ll ever need. Work-out and training groups and video invites ad nauseum (too many links, TOO. MANY. LINKS).
Week 20-(August 2nd) Significant amount of mailers from budget management and credit debt forgiveness companies are stuffed into the slot. There will be no links to these sites
Week 21-Didn’t know there was such a thing as a LED Currency-detecting cellphone clip-on microscope, but I now own one. Magazine subscription to Women’s Health arrives
Week 22-hospital green paper masks from American Hospital Supply are thrown close to the front door
Week 23-I guess I needed Holiday lights that go ON your yard as well as unicorn cookie cutters. Holiday spirit awakened. In August.
Week 24- rower with a screen, allowing us to traverse the Zambezi river, or a weekend tour of Phuket, Thailand, where I sometimes wanted to say “Phuket” after glimpsing my reflection in the 14” screen.
Week 25-Eerily absentia of delivery. Could an intervention be unfolding?
Synopsis: I found numerous items in “carts” on one of the 94 open tabs on my phone. Items in a non-pandemic I would quickly scroll over, let alone LOOKED at, and for certain would not have clicked ON.
I’ve always been a bit impulsive when it came to actions which may cause bodily harm. I only practiced uncontrolled retail therapy when emotional turmoil was rife with significant ego harm. What this pandemic exposed was that my well-being was dependent upon the little brown, or white box, brought to my home, my soul, my unexpressed frustration and fear. I sought out tangible yet fleeting wares that warmed my heart and provided insulation to the unknown of a worldwide pandemic, and in turn, I was forced to keep the industrial revolution turning with “proven cleaning items” from afar.
Six months in, 18 pounds heavier, one Dad lighter, with no end in sight, I ceased keeping track, but if you would have told me Susan Powter was about to arrive via a personal jet, landing on the parkway in two days, due to the influence of the Croatian wine, I would have tilted my head to the left, raised my right eyebrow and said “alright then. I’ll get the guest room prepped”. Holding a donut
Comments